i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
