i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
