FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
