We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
