forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
