Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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