Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize