you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
