Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
