have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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