I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
