u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
