weddingsv make me drug and hornr
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
