You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
