You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
