I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
