found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
