yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
