I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
