Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
