Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
