i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
