making cat noises will not fix the situation.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
