I think I died a long time ago.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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