K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
