apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
