there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
