I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
