The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
