we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
