i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
