Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
