I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
