..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
