Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
