i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
