Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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