Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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