Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
