I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
