literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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