oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
