I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
