I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
