Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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