if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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