Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
