my sisters under your porch take her home
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
