Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
