He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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