I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize