when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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