You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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