To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
