Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
