She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Pooping to opera.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
