living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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