you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
