you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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