if you like me you must not know who I am
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
