i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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