are you still at the devil's house?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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