My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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