dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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