remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There are leaves in my underwear?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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