I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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