Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
