I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
