So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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