Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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