I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
