I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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