Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize