I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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