she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
