I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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